Well it was bound to happen. Work in a hotel long enough and you'll get prank calls for reservations. They're normally few and far between on overnights, we normally get the drunks looking for a place to sleep it off.
But tonight we got a genuine prank caller. Twice! I didn't take the first call but it ended when my coworker asked the caller for his address and the response was "Hang on, lemmie look out my window... 1-800-FUCK-YOU! *Click*
Within a minute, the guy calls back and I get him. What follows is the transcript. I couldn't make this up if I tried.