Monday, December 14, 2015

Hotelland Who's Who

 "It's night time in a hotel just like yours; all is quiet, or is it?"

    "The North American Hotel Hooker is found throughout Canada and the United States. Hotel Hookers are very timid creatures and they are rarely seen, but they will defend their earnings if provoked. They come out at night to search for Johns, Janes, and materials for their wardrobes."

    "The favourite marks of the Hotel Hooker are businessmen, husbands and the party boys in clubs on a Friday night."

    "They build their wardrobes in hotel rooms using spandex, furs and bits fake jewelry. Their wardrobes have to be impractical and tight; Hotel Hookers "sleep" about 12 hours a night."

Thursday, December 03, 2015

Brace Yourselves, A Storm's A Comin'

*Tap Tap*

Well I'll be damned! You guys actually got that little light working. It's so nice and orange and all glowy like... Wait that means... dammit not again!

*Ahem*

My fellow Newfoundlanders and Labradorians, to put things simply, we're screwed. The Weather Machine™ is in perfect working order, the problem isn't technological, it's magical. Gotta get some occult based lab people working on that, might need to do some hiring... but now, on to matters at hand.

Monday, November 30, 2015

A Fluffy Surprise

*Tap Tap*

*ffffffftt*

This thing on? It's been so long since we used this equipment I can't tell any more. Did anyone put that light in to tell me the mic is on or did you all slack off like a bunch of useless... What? Dammit!

Greetings family, friends and associated test subjects. It's been a while but I'm back.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Customer Service Burnout

I think that might be what I have starting. I've been in customer service, in some form or another for the better part of twenty one years. Do anything that long and a toll will build up, physically and/or mentally.

Monday, September 28, 2015

But what does it mean?

Now, for your viewing confusion, I present a list of things overheard this past weekend while at Atlanti-CON. There is no point of reference, no clarification and no explanation for anything said. It can all be taken Out of CONtext.


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

It's prank call time!

 Well it was bound to happen. Work in a hotel long enough and you'll get prank calls for reservations. They're normally few and far between on overnights, we normally get the drunks looking for a place to sleep it off.

But tonight we got a genuine prank caller. Twice! I didn't take the first call but it ended when my coworker asked the caller for his address and the response was "Hang on, lemmie look out my window... 1-800-FUCK-YOU! *Click*

Within a minute, the guy calls back and I get him. What follows is the transcript. I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Sunday, May 03, 2015

Post Sci-Fi On The Rock

Well here we are, one week removed from the biggest celebration of all things geeky and nerdy that St. John’s has ever seen. I’m talking of course about Sci-Fi On The Rock. Man what a time. It gets bigger and better every year and continuously blows my mind. I’m happy to be a cog in the wheel that makes this festival possible every year, and I’m grateful to the people I work with on the organizing committee for all the help we give each other in getting things done.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

St. Paddy's Snowfall

*Tap Tap* This thing on? You still didn't put in that light to tell me if this is on or off you good for nothing… Oh! What?! Dammit not again!

*Ahem*

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, androgynous test subjects of all pay scales… We’re having a bit of a problem. See, the Weather Machine™ has been working like a dream. Yes it has been cold, but here on the East Coast at least, we haven’t had that bad a time of things as far as snow has gone. I haven’t been able to stop it all, but I have at least been able to convert it to rain most of the time and gotten rid of a lot of it.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Steve's Overnight Adventures

The following is a collection of anecdotes, stories and general funny shit that I've witnessed and experienced while working over night in a hotel.

It will be updated infrequently as new stuff happens.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Now a guide to what your Birthday really means

January - Jesus wasn't the only one who rose at Easter
February - The Jacuzzi suite on Mother's Day worked
March - on Father's Day, she remembered that Jacuzzi suite on Mother's Day
April - Fireworks weren't the only things that went off on Canada Day / Independence Day
May - Some games on Regatta Day lead to a prize (Newfoundland only, see local holidays and observances for your area)
June - Who knew that party on Labour Day would lead to Labour...
July - The Turkey wasn't the only thing stuffed on Thanksgiving (Canada)
August - Sometimes, slutty Halloween costumes work
September - Your parents had a Merry Christmas
October - They rang in the New Year with a bang
November - It was a Happy Valentine's Day
December - St. Patrick's Day was a blast

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Now a mid storm update

*tap tap* *tap tap*

Attention! Attention! Could I have your attention please!

This is an update from the Bunker™

Now that the entire region is shut down, the collection bots are being deployed throughout the metro area to receive my cut of the looting you're no doubt doing at this very moment. Please don't resist them, it can get messy and it takes forever to hose them out.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Well, we're done for it seems...

*tap tap* This thing on? I don't know why I have to keep asking that, there should be an indicator, a sound or a light or something to tell me when the microphone is on. Why can't you eggheads invent that? Huh? What?! Well, why didn't you say it was on?

Monday, February 02, 2015

Cards Against Humanity

I know I'm technically late to the party, cause this game has been around for a few years now, but I've been redeveloping an interest in card based games over the past year and I finally picked this gem up.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

The systematic elimination of fun

First fireworks and now sliding.
Ban sliding... What's next? No skating on ponds? No snowball fights? No building a snow fort?

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

I'm back and doesn't it feel good!

*Tap Tap* *Tap Tap*

 This thing on? 

 It's been a while since I've used this equipment, does it even still work? 

 Friends, Newfoundlanders, Test Subjects, lend me your ears!

 *splat*

 What the? Eww! Jeez, I didn't mean literally. You're fired mister! 

 Also, get someone from legal on patenting detachable ears!