Here comes the storm again.

****Tap Tap... Tap Tap****

We're back to this again are we? All I asked for was a little light next to the microphone switch that's on when the microphone is on, and off when it's off. Is that really so hard to do? Look where, ahead? There's nothing there but a big lit up sign that says On The Air... wait... Dammit!

5 years of Weathery Goodness

**My gods, this broadcast room is a mess. Dust everywhere, is that a cobweb or a spiderweb? Does the cleaning service ever come in here when I'm away? Well there's still power in here anyway, I can see one blinking light on the board... dammit!**

Weather Machine Blues

*tap tap* *pfffft*

This thing on? What the hell happened to the little light we had? Well change the freakin' blub for cryin' out loud! What am I paying you for any way? I'm not? Yes I am. Oh, I'm on? ... Dammit!

I'm back! Did you miss me?

Friends, Romans, Test Subjects, lend me your ears.... Ow! Who threw that? What was... wait was that actually your ear? How did you? Detachable? That's equal parts gross and amazing... can it re-attach? Get the lab boys working on that! There's money to be made here I'm sure of it!

Advanced Warning For Once!

*There! You see that. It's an "On Air" sign. Simple and effective, when it's off, I'm not broadcasting, when it's on, I'm live. Classic design, white background and red lettering. It all lights up nicely, see. Wait, it's been on this whole... dammit!*

Blindsided by a storm

**What the hell happened!? Where did this mess come from? What am I paying you eggheads for?

Actually, forget that last question, I'm not paying you. Now get working on a solution or in addition to not paying you, I'll be sending you on a tour of the lava pits!

Now, turn on the microphone, I've got to address things... what's that? It's on?! Why the hell didn't someone tell me!**

Another Stormy Monday

Friends, associates, future test subjects, I'd like to apologize for a couple of items. First of all, for the lateness of this warning post, lab boys assured me that this time we had the Mother Nature problem licked but apparently that's not quite accurate.

Also for the power conservation orders these past couple of weeks. That was my fault. Entirely. See when you hook up your vacuum cleaner to a parabolic reflector and bombard it with microwaves in a centrifuge, it doesn't actually generate power, instead it reverses the polarity of the energon flow and sends the excess back through the existing infrastructure and it blows a gasket or two... or thirty.

Lousy Mythical Adversaries

*tap  tap* *tap tap*

Yes I’m tapping the mic again, your stupid light isn’t working, it’s just blinking on and off and on and off… what? That means it’s working? What kind of moron makes a blinking light? It’s either ‘on’ for working or ‘off’ for not working, simple as that. Wait, so that means everyone can hear … dammit not again!

Short Notice, Big Warning

Attention, your attention please. Coming to you from his secured and totally secret bunker, here is our benevolent overlord with a very special statement. 

… got you techno-sycophants now! Light or no light, signal or no signal. I got this pre-recorded introduction now! All I have to do is wait for it to run out and then I start talking.  Take that you eggheads… what? It's over… dammit!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, androgynous test subjects of all ages, you may have noticed some varying accumulations over the past week. Little snowfalls, nothing much to be concerned with, at least for you, my testing pool… I mean the general public.

For me and the old team here at The Bunker™ it means the start of a whole host of problems with The Weather Machine™. Well I say the old team but I really mean the new lab team. The old team are currently sunbathing by a lava pool, lousy so called college graduates.

Point is, we have to take The Weather Machine™ offline for repairs. The problem with that is there is a significant weather event bearing down on us as we speak. I cannot understate the potential level of snowmageddon that's approaching.

Now this leaves very little time this morning for the usual loot n’ plundering that I've come to expect and admire from you all. I know you'll give it your all and then you'll give most of your loot to my Collection Bots™. Also I cannot stress this enough, do not taunt the bots. Just give them my cut of the loot and back away slowly. I do not want to have to hire someone to spend the next week hosing out the bots “correctional chamber” because someone wanted to be a hero.

So get out to those sustenance distribution centres and fuel dispensaries, that's grocery stores and gas stations for the lay people, and empty ‘em! Clear those shelves! Drain those tanks! Remember, the more you get, the more I get!

Now if you'll excuse me, the loss of yet another let team is weighing heavily on me. I'll be receiving some much needed consoling in the harem’s grotto.

We're done here.

Brace Yourselves, A Storm's A Comin'

*Tap Tap*

Well I'll be damned! You guys actually got that little light working. It's so nice and orange and all glowy like... Wait that means... dammit not again!

*Ahem*

My fellow Newfoundlanders and Labradorians, to put things simply, we're screwed. The Weather Machine™ is in perfect working order, the problem isn't technological, it's magical. Gotta get some occult based lab people working on that, might need to do some hiring... but now, on to matters at hand.

A Fluffy Surprise

*Tap Tap*

*ffffffftt*

This thing on? It's been so long since we used this equipment I can't tell any more. Did anyone put that light in to tell me the mic is on or did you all slack off like a bunch of useless... What? Dammit!

Greetings family, friends and associated test subjects. It's been a while but I'm back.

St. Paddy's Snowfall

*Tap Tap* This thing on? You still didn't put in that light to tell me if this is on or off you good for nothing… Oh! What?! Dammit not again!

*Ahem*

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, androgynous test subjects of all pay scales… We’re having a bit of a problem. See, the Weather Machine™ has been working like a dream. Yes it has been cold, but here on the East Coast at least, we haven’t had that bad a time of things as far as snow has gone. I haven’t been able to stop it all, but I have at least been able to convert it to rain most of the time and gotten rid of a lot of it.

Now a mid storm update

*tap tap* *tap tap*

Attention! Attention! Could I have your attention please!

This is an update from the Bunker™

Now that the entire region is shut down, the collection bots are being deployed throughout the metro area to receive my cut of the looting you're no doubt doing at this very moment. Please don't resist them, it can get messy and it takes forever to hose them out.

Well, we're done for it seems...

*tap tap* This thing on? I don't know why I have to keep asking that, there should be an indicator, a sound or a light or something to tell me when the microphone is on. Why can't you eggheads invent that? Huh? What?! Well, why didn't you say it was on?

I'm back and doesn't it feel good!

*Tap Tap* *Tap Tap*

 This thing on? 

 It's been a while since I've used this equipment, does it even still work? 

 Friends, Newfoundlanders, Test Subjects, lend me your ears!

 *splat*

 What the? Eww! Jeez, I didn't mean literally. You're fired mister! 

 Also, get someone from legal on patenting detachable ears!

Quest for $10,000 part 11

Contestant's Log, Stardate; -308755.59

Here it is, the penultimate post. T minus 9 hours and change until we find out who (me) wins Ten Thousand Dollars! We also find out how the hell they're gonna determine who wins (me again) while the rest leave empty handed (not me).

Quest for $10,000 Part 5

Contestant's Log, Stardate; -308772.31

Well here it is, Day 9! Woo! The shirt is still in great shape and smells faintly of Irish Spring. Not funky in the least. This despite what was a most energetic end to Day 8.

We had snow! I know, not that uncommon an occurrence here in Newfoundland, but the main thing of note is that myself, along with a lot of other contestants out there had to shovel/snowblow/clear our driveways while sporting the ever popular Ten Grand TShirt.

Travel Updates!

*Tap Tap*

Is this thing on? Testing One-Two, Testing!

*Ahem*

Ladies and Gentletestsubjects, it's good to be back!

You may have noticed my absence these past few weeks, I have been away on an adventure your mortal brains couldn't begin to comprehend! After fixing the issues from the last power failure, the Lab Boys discovered an impressive side effect and we had a breakthrough. What I mean by that is, shorting out the cyclotron caused an actual breakthrough to another dimension! Well, several actually, so naturally when the first sucker... I mean test pilot came back breathing I decided that the best person to see the potential wonders of another reality was me! For Science!

So I've been dimension jumping, leaping from place to place, hoping each time that the next leap, would be the leap home... Wait! That was the plot to Quantum Leap! No, I've been walking back and forth through dimensional gates as easy as a normal person walks through a door. It's kinda tingly actually, with a popcorn aftertaste for some reason... anyway! Point is, I've been away exploring and I've seen some amazing places. There's the land of perpetual Wednesday, got stuck there for a few days, didn't notice what was happening. Then there's the crazy melty land and the world without shrimp. Those are just the tip of the trans dimensional iceberg!

Speaking of ice and such, I see the Weather Control Machine™ is finally working right, at least over the capital city! That last weather event was a nasty one and had the potential to completely ruin last weekend, or so the report told me. As we discovered with Weather Control Machine 2.0™ we can't totally eliminate precipitation, but we can convert snow to rain to make it less of a hassle. Turns out there is some truth to cosmic karma after all... lousy balancing of nature... Lab Boys are working on that though.

So now that things are humming along nicely and seem to be under control, at least that's what Joey Knuckles tells me, I'm going to take a couple of months and keep exploring these new dimensions and claim them in my name! So many possibilities and so many versions of me to leave in charge! Yes there are other versions of myself and other versions of the Bunker© and even a few where there was no bunker! Well I couldn't have that, so there are now! None of them have made the dimensional breakthrough though, so I'm the link between it all and I'm willing to guide the other me's to it and share our technologies between us all. For Science!

I should be back in September or October with all sorts of new doodads and whatchamacallits to amaze and astound you all!

Until then, I'm Steve Johnson, we're done here!

Mid Week Tinkering

**Tap Tap**

Ladies and Gentlemen, friends, colleagues, assorted test subjects and minions.

I have to apologize for the drastic reversal of weather fortunes this morning. It seems Bruce, formally of the applied sciences department before I fired him this morning, was messing around with the Weather Control Machine 3.0 and ended up reversing the polarity of the neutron flow in the flux capacitor. At least I think that's what the egghead who replaced him said, it was technobabble. Might have been speaking Libyan for all I know... It's all Greek to me...

Anyway, don't panic, looting shouldn't be needed, though it is appreciated. I've got a team on this and we should have the parts replaced and things back under my control this afternoon. Tomorrow at the latest.

Some updates on the Weather Machine

**Tap Tap**

Could I have your attention please!?

All of you may have noticed the recent upswing in the temperature and overall weather lately. Some people call it "spring." I call it, Weather Control Machine 3.0 and it's the best one we've had yet, well since the last one blew up anyway. The first one is still making excellent waffles as well, have to market those things soon. We will as soon as the marketing team stop trying to remove their explosive collars and get back to work!

Anyway...

This week though has been a little wonky, sun one minute and snow the next. The new lab team have assured me that it's just the result of routine maintenance on the machine and that everything should be back to normal soon, or at least what I'm enforcing as my vision of normal. They wouldn't lie to me, they know that I control the button that would release the lab floor and drop them into the lava pit!

Part of this maintenance however means that we have to shut the machine down for a few hours. That will be done this evening but will only be for a few hours. In that time, there is every possibility of a "weather event" forming over us. Don't worry, it won't be too bad, though it will be a little breezy. We'll do our best to have things change to rain by the morning to clean things up a bit. By our best I of course mean the Lab team, their futures are riding on this and I know they won't let me down!

I've also heard some talk that the weather patterns were a result of something called "Sheila's Brush." Well I did some checking around The Bunker™ and found Sheila in the R&D Department. She'd been working on a pocket weather control device on company time! Well that won't be continuing as the so called "brush" has been destroyed and she's been fired! Personal work on my time? I don't think so! Also to show that I run an organization that believes in equality, I'm also firing Ronald from housekeeping, so there!

So in conclusion, the Weather Machine 3.0 is good, just needs some maintenance, we'll get some weather but it'll be sorted out in short order. Shouldn't even require the normal looting and plundering.

Oh and before I go I'd also like to congratulate Joey Knuckles beating seventeen other men to win the title of "Henchman of the Month!" Seriously, we locked 'em all in a cage and Joey beat all of them into comas! Good work!

Later!