**What the hell happened!? Where did this mess come from? What am I paying you eggheads for?
Actually, forget that last question, I'm not paying you. Now get working on a solution or in addition to not paying you, I'll be sending you on a tour of the lava pits!
Now, turn on the microphone, I've got to address things... what's that? It's on?! Why the hell didn't someone tell me!**
Attention! Attention! Could I have your attention please!
Ladies and Gentlemen, test subjects, androgynous nonspecific life forms, if you look out your windows, doors or portholes, you'll notice we have a problem. Lab boys tell me there's been a complete, catastrophic failure of the Weather Machine™. It was a *rustles papers* cascade concussive disruption of the gravity dampeners, resulting in its abrupt termination... aw hell, the damn thing blew up!
Now there's no time for the usual pre-event stockpiling so I hope a lot of you weren't caught with your pants down. Get ready for some prime looting though, since this came on so fast, there's bound to be tonnes of stuff left unprotected. I'll be sending out the Collection Bots™ as soon as the looting and plundering begins, as well as my new Scrap Droids (pat. pend.) to collect any vehicular wreckage.
The Henchmen will be out in force to, coordinating what they can, they'll report directly to Joey Knuckles, who in turn reports to me. He's a humourless homunculus with a chip on his shoulder the size of Gibraltar, so don't make him angry, and don't stare... trust me, just don't. The last person who did... *shudder*
Anywho, we can all get through this, and by we, I of course mean you. I'll be hold up here in The Bunker™ as usual, ensuring the continued comfort of the ladies in my Harem, maybe some personal evaluations... ahem.
Stay vigilant, plunder often and with my cut of your loot, I'll be rolling out the Weather Machine™ 4.0 as soon as possible.
We're done here.