My Mental Health

Let me preface this with: I am not a doctor, I am not a medical professional. I am not offering any advice. I am just stating personal experience. If you have any medical questions for yourself or your circumstances, please talk to your doctor or therapist or health professional. Do not start any medications without talking to a doctor.

This is going to be another mental health talk.

My name is Steve and I deal with mental health issues. I have severe anxiety that causes panic attacks and depression that robs me of the desire to do much beyond lie on my couch. Something is messed up in my brain so that it doesn’t produce needed chemicals to achieve a balance in my brain. That imbalance causes problems, from being overwhelmed by the simplest emotions, to not being able to rationally process events, to being confused.

Memories of Dad

I'm going to be posting memories of me and my Dad here. I'll be adding more stories as I think of them, so that I have them in one place and I can read and share these memories of the most amazing Dad and friend a guy could ever have.

Dear Cancer, Fuck You!

 This is going to be a longer post, and has been a long time coming.

Out of privacy concerns and respect, not a lot has been said publicly or on social media. Yesterday I got permission to post things, because it helps me get things out of my brain. I'm not making this post for pity or for sympathy, I just need to get things out of my head.

Hi Blogsphere, it’s me, Steve. Can we talk?

Fair warning, this is going to be a long post, so if you don’t want to read it, I understand.

Those of you who want to go down the rabbit hole, let’s get started.

Now, for your viewing confusion, I present a list of things overheard this past weekend while at Sci-Fi On The Rock. There are no points of reference, no clarification and no explanation for anything said. It can all be taken Out of CONtext.

To quote a friend of mine; “Names have been kept the same to reflect the strange…”

My Weight Loss and Health Update

Ok real talk here, so if you're tired of my health updates, I'm going to rehash a lot of ground in this update so you might want to skip this one.

Two years ago, I was ignorant of some pretty major things in my life. I was fat, huge, morbidly obese even and I was pretty unhealthy.

I've had a long history of knowing I was overweight, but I always found a way to reason it out. I could take stairs two at a time, I could move faster and more easily than a person my size should have been able to do, I didn't have any severe aches or pains, I had no trouble getting out of bed, or fitting into cars. I saw people daily who were bigger than me, so I wasn't bad off.

I ate shitty foods, I ate in huge amounts, it was a matter of pride that I could eat an average person's weight at a buffet. I picked up an order at Old Town Pizza one night and the counter girl saw the name on the order and said "You're Steve!" her voice filled with awe that I was real. Pretty sure I put the owners kids through college.

Then two things happened to change my world. 

Day One

This morning sucked.

The last two months sucked.

Let me explain.

For close on two years now, I've been on a mission to be active, eat healthy and lose weight. I've been doing well. From 398 lbs when I started, to 320 as of June 29th (July weigh in pending).  Progress has been slow and steady, with only one plateau so far. Then mid May I hit a wall.

Here comes the storm again.

****Tap Tap... Tap Tap****

We're back to this again are we? All I asked for was a little light next to the microphone switch that's on when the microphone is on, and off when it's off. Is that really so hard to do? Look where, ahead? There's nothing there but a big lit up sign that says On The Air... wait... Dammit!

5 years of Weathery Goodness

**My gods, this broadcast room is a mess. Dust everywhere, is that a cobweb or a spiderweb? Does the cleaning service ever come in here when I'm away? Well there's still power in here anyway, I can see one blinking light on the board... dammit!**

For the future of Science!

**Yes, yes I’m going to tell them now. No! I’m not changing my mind about this, it has to be done for the greater good! (echo: the greater good) Now cut that out! I swear if you eggheads spent as much time actually doing work around here as you do watching movies, I’d have a studio setup that worked flawlessly and this light would be reliable! What? It’s on? Dammit not again! **