Now, for your viewing confusion, I present a list of things overheard this past weekend while at Sci-Fi On The Rock. There are no points of reference, no clarification and no explanation for anything said. It can all be taken Out of CONtext.

To quote a friend of mine; “Names have been kept the same to reflect the strange…”

Here comes the storm again.

****Tap Tap... Tap Tap****

We're back to this again are we? All I asked for was a little light next to the microphone switch that's on when the microphone is on, and off when it's off. Is that really so hard to do? Look where, ahead? There's nothing there but a big lit up sign that says On The Air... wait... Dammit!

5 years of Weathery Goodness

**My gods, this broadcast room is a mess. Dust everywhere, is that a cobweb or a spiderweb? Does the cleaning service ever come in here when I'm away? Well there's still power in here anyway, I can see one blinking light on the board... dammit!**

For the future of Science!

**Yes, yes I’m going to tell them now. No! I’m not changing my mind about this, it has to be done for the greater good! (echo: the greater good) Now cut that out! I swear if you eggheads spent as much time actually doing work around here as you do watching movies, I’d have a studio setup that worked flawlessly and this light would be reliable! What? It’s on? Dammit not again! **

A storm's a comin'

What have you guys been doing? This place is a mess, where's the damn switch in here? You've all been throwing parties while I'm gone, but can't clean up? Peanut brittle, candycorn, panties, ... a traffic cone? Really? Where did that come from? Hey the light works now? Wait.. Dammit!

Personally Identified

January 18th, 2017

Gather round one and all as I regale you with a textual re enactment of a strange little happening, once again at *hotel*

The cast for tonight’s dramatization are as follows;

The character of Steve (Me), played by yours truly
The character of Person One (P1), played by Random Person
The character of Person Two (P2), played by Other Random Person

Person one approaches the ATM, presumably to withdraw some funds. They insert their card and look perplexed as they read the screen.

P1: “It’s asking for my personal number, what’s that?”

P2: “Have you got numbers on your accounts?”

P1: “I dunno, what’s a personal number?”

P2: “What’s it asking?”

P1: “It wants a personal number. I know my PIN but what’s a personal number?”

Me: “PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, it’s asking for your PIN.”

P1 & P2: “Oh.”

Me: “....”

-FIN-

Weather Machine Blues

*tap tap* *pfffft*

This thing on? What the hell happened to the little light we had? Well change the freakin' blub for cryin' out loud! What am I paying you for any way? I'm not? Yes I am. Oh, I'm on? ... Dammit!

I'm back! Did you miss me?

Friends, Romans, Test Subjects, lend me your ears.... Ow! Who threw that? What was... wait was that actually your ear? How did you? Detachable? That's equal parts gross and amazing... can it re-attach? Get the lab boys working on that! There's money to be made here I'm sure of it!

But What Does It Mean?

Now, for your viewing confusion, I present a list of things overheard this past weekend while at Atlanti-CON. There are no points of reference, no clarification and no explanation for anything said. It can all be taken Out of CONtext.

To quote a friend of mine; “Names have been kept the same to reflect the strange…”

Another Stormy Monday

Friends, associates, future test subjects, I'd like to apologize for a couple of items. First of all, for the lateness of this warning post, lab boys assured me that this time we had the Mother Nature problem licked but apparently that's not quite accurate.

Also for the power conservation orders these past couple of weeks. That was my fault. Entirely. See when you hook up your vacuum cleaner to a parabolic reflector and bombard it with microwaves in a centrifuge, it doesn't actually generate power, instead it reverses the polarity of the energon flow and sends the excess back through the existing infrastructure and it blows a gasket or two... or thirty.

Lousy Mythical Adversaries

*tap  tap* *tap tap*

Yes I’m tapping the mic again, your stupid light isn’t working, it’s just blinking on and off and on and off… what? That means it’s working? What kind of moron makes a blinking light? It’s either ‘on’ for working or ‘off’ for not working, simple as that. Wait, so that means everyone can hear … dammit not again!

Short Notice, Big Warning

Attention, your attention please. Coming to you from his secured and totally secret bunker, here is our benevolent overlord with a very special statement. 

… got you techno-sycophants now! Light or no light, signal or no signal. I got this pre-recorded introduction now! All I have to do is wait for it to run out and then I start talking.  Take that you eggheads… what? It's over… dammit!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, androgynous test subjects of all ages, you may have noticed some varying accumulations over the past week. Little snowfalls, nothing much to be concerned with, at least for you, my testing pool… I mean the general public.

For me and the old team here at The Bunker™ it means the start of a whole host of problems with The Weather Machine™. Well I say the old team but I really mean the new lab team. The old team are currently sunbathing by a lava pool, lousy so called college graduates.

Point is, we have to take The Weather Machine™ offline for repairs. The problem with that is there is a significant weather event bearing down on us as we speak. I cannot understate the potential level of snowmageddon that's approaching.

Now this leaves very little time this morning for the usual loot n’ plundering that I've come to expect and admire from you all. I know you'll give it your all and then you'll give most of your loot to my Collection Bots™. Also I cannot stress this enough, do not taunt the bots. Just give them my cut of the loot and back away slowly. I do not want to have to hire someone to spend the next week hosing out the bots “correctional chamber” because someone wanted to be a hero.

So get out to those sustenance distribution centres and fuel dispensaries, that's grocery stores and gas stations for the lay people, and empty ‘em! Clear those shelves! Drain those tanks! Remember, the more you get, the more I get!

Now if you'll excuse me, the loss of yet another let team is weighing heavily on me. I'll be receiving some much needed consoling in the harem’s grotto.

We're done here.

But what does it mean?

Now, for your viewing confusion, I present a list of things overheard this past weekend while at Atlanti-CON. There is no point of reference, no clarification and no explanation for anything said. It can all be taken Out of CONtext.

St. Paddy's Snowfall

*Tap Tap* This thing on? You still didn't put in that light to tell me if this is on or off you good for nothing… Oh! What?! Dammit not again!

*Ahem*

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, androgynous test subjects of all pay scales… We’re having a bit of a problem. See, the Weather Machine™ has been working like a dream. Yes it has been cold, but here on the East Coast at least, we haven’t had that bad a time of things as far as snow has gone. I haven’t been able to stop it all, but I have at least been able to convert it to rain most of the time and gotten rid of a lot of it.

Now a guide to what your Birthday really means

January - Jesus wasn't the only one who rose at Easter
February - The Jacuzzi suite on Mother's Day worked
March - on Father's Day, she remembered that Jacuzzi suite on Mother's Day
April - Fireworks weren't the only things that went off on Canada Day / Independence Day
May - Some games on Regatta Day lead to a prize (Newfoundland only, see local holidays and observances for your area)
June - Who knew that party on Labour Day would lead to Labour...
July - The Turkey wasn't the only thing stuffed on Thanksgiving (Canada)
August - Sometimes, slutty Halloween costumes work
September - Your parents had a Merry Christmas
October - They rang in the New Year with a bang
November - It was a Happy Valentine's Day
December - St. Patrick's Day was a blast

Well, we're done for it seems...

*tap tap* This thing on? I don't know why I have to keep asking that, there should be an indicator, a sound or a light or something to tell me when the microphone is on. Why can't you eggheads invent that? Huh? What?! Well, why didn't you say it was on?

I'm back and doesn't it feel good!

*Tap Tap* *Tap Tap*

 This thing on? 

 It's been a while since I've used this equipment, does it even still work? 

 Friends, Newfoundlanders, Test Subjects, lend me your ears!

 *splat*

 What the? Eww! Jeez, I didn't mean literally. You're fired mister! 

 Also, get someone from legal on patenting detachable ears!

The Key's the thing!

Thank you Hotel Guest, for returning your room keycard. Yes I see it there on the counter, thank you for pointing it out to me.

Now I'll just settle your bill...

Wirtz of Wisdom

Just sittin' here, listening to some random music. You know when you just set iTunes to random and see what plays? On comes a track by The Rev. Billy C. Wirtz, he's a comedian, jazz/blues pianist, former wrestling manager, and minister of his own religion.

The First House of Polyester Worship and Horizontal Throbbing Teenage Desire Our Lady of the White Go-Go Boot Lord of the 40-Watt Undulating Bubbling Lava Lamp Apocalyptic No Pizza Take-out After 12 Achey-Breaky Love Tabernacle.

Say that five times fast... anyway, point is, this track by him called "Wirtz of Wisdom" came on and it's full of things he's learned in life and he shared them with the masses. Some of it may apply, some of it may not. Here's a transcript of it.