Friday, December 15, 2017

Here comes the storm again.

****Tap Tap... Tap Tap****

We're back to this again are we? All I asked for was a little light next to the microphone switch that's on when the microphone is on, and off when it's off. Is that really so hard to do? Look where, ahead? There's nothing there but a big lit up sign that says On The Air... wait... Dammit!

I received a letter today from the Committee Limiting Amoral and Unusual Science (C.L.A.U.S.) and they tell me they aren't happy with my Weather Machine™ They say it's an abomination and an affront to Mother Nature! Just goes to show the lengths she's going to in trying to stop me. She couldn't do it alone, and couldn't do it with Old Man Winter and Jack Frost helping so now she's trying to beat me with bureaucracy!

Anyway, C.L.A.U.S. now has an injunction against my research and are demanding that the Weather Machine™ be shut down until I can get a legal ruling on this. Sadly, I have to comply, at least until I find out which judge to brib... I mean make a campaign donation to.

That being said, Lab boys tell me that a weather event is inevitable once the Weather Machine™ is disabled. Possibly as early as tomorrow night. So this is your warning people! Get out there and plunder those gas stations! Pillage those grocery stores! Leave no Big Stick untouched!

On the night of any event, the Collection Bots™ will be out in force and I can't stress this enough people, do not resist or taunt the Collection Bots™, the last guy who did was pretty much just a red mist when they were done. So just hand over your loot n' plunder and get to safety or downtown, whichever comes first on your list of priorities.

The Brute Squad will also be out in force collecting some things for me and making sure the catering vans can still get through to stock up the Gotto with meat, cheese, wines and champagne. Nothing's too good for my girls.

Also, congratulations to our Security Employee of the Year, Joey Knuckles! He beat out some tough competition, literally! We locked all the security guys in a cage and let them fight it out. I'll send some fruit baskets to the widows... also, I'd like to announce that our security department is hiring!

So batten down the hatches, or if you don't have any hatches, build some and then batten them down. I'll be rooting for you all from the safety of The Bunker™ and don't worry, C.L.A.U.S. won't stop Science Controlling Radical Obvious Outdoor Geo-climate Eternally! Operation S.C.R.O.O.G.E!

We're done here.

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