Here comes the storm again.

****Tap Tap... Tap Tap****

We're back to this again are we? All I asked for was a little light next to the microphone switch that's on when the microphone is on, and off when it's off. Is that really so hard to do? Look where, ahead? There's nothing there but a big lit up sign that says On The Air... wait... Dammit!

For the future of Science!

**Yes, yes I’m going to tell them now. No! I’m not changing my mind about this, it has to be done for the greater good! (echo: the greater good) Now cut that out! I swear if you eggheads spent as much time actually doing work around here as you do watching movies, I’d have a studio setup that worked flawlessly and this light would be reliable! What? It’s on? Dammit not again! **

A storm's a comin'

What have you guys been doing? This place is a mess, where's the damn switch in here? You've all been throwing parties while I'm gone, but can't clean up? Peanut brittle, candycorn, panties, ... a traffic cone? Really? Where did that come from? Hey the light works now? Wait.. Dammit!

Weather Machine Blues

*tap tap* *pfffft*

This thing on? What the hell happened to the little light we had? Well change the freakin' blub for cryin' out loud! What am I paying you for any way? I'm not? Yes I am. Oh, I'm on? ... Dammit!

I'm back! Did you miss me?

Friends, Romans, Test Subjects, lend me your ears.... Ow! Who threw that? What was... wait was that actually your ear? How did you? Detachable? That's equal parts gross and amazing... can it re-attach? Get the lab boys working on that! There's money to be made here I'm sure of it!

Advanced Warning For Once!

*There! You see that. It's an "On Air" sign. Simple and effective, when it's off, I'm not broadcasting, when it's on, I'm live. Classic design, white background and red lettering. It all lights up nicely, see. Wait, it's been on this whole... dammit!*

Blindsided by a storm

**What the hell happened!? Where did this mess come from? What am I paying you eggheads for?

Actually, forget that last question, I'm not paying you. Now get working on a solution or in addition to not paying you, I'll be sending you on a tour of the lava pits!

Now, turn on the microphone, I've got to address things... what's that? It's on?! Why the hell didn't someone tell me!**

Another Stormy Monday

Friends, associates, future test subjects, I'd like to apologize for a couple of items. First of all, for the lateness of this warning post, lab boys assured me that this time we had the Mother Nature problem licked but apparently that's not quite accurate.

Also for the power conservation orders these past couple of weeks. That was my fault. Entirely. See when you hook up your vacuum cleaner to a parabolic reflector and bombard it with microwaves in a centrifuge, it doesn't actually generate power, instead it reverses the polarity of the energon flow and sends the excess back through the existing infrastructure and it blows a gasket or two... or thirty.

Lousy Mythical Adversaries

*tap  tap* *tap tap*

Yes I’m tapping the mic again, your stupid light isn’t working, it’s just blinking on and off and on and off… what? That means it’s working? What kind of moron makes a blinking light? It’s either ‘on’ for working or ‘off’ for not working, simple as that. Wait, so that means everyone can hear … dammit not again!

Short Notice, Big Warning

Attention, your attention please. Coming to you from his secured and totally secret bunker, here is our benevolent overlord with a very special statement. 

… got you techno-sycophants now! Light or no light, signal or no signal. I got this pre-recorded introduction now! All I have to do is wait for it to run out and then I start talking.  Take that you eggheads… what? It's over… dammit!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, androgynous test subjects of all ages, you may have noticed some varying accumulations over the past week. Little snowfalls, nothing much to be concerned with, at least for you, my testing pool… I mean the general public.

For me and the old team here at The Bunker™ it means the start of a whole host of problems with The Weather Machine™. Well I say the old team but I really mean the new lab team. The old team are currently sunbathing by a lava pool, lousy so called college graduates.

Point is, we have to take The Weather Machine™ offline for repairs. The problem with that is there is a significant weather event bearing down on us as we speak. I cannot understate the potential level of snowmageddon that's approaching.

Now this leaves very little time this morning for the usual loot n’ plundering that I've come to expect and admire from you all. I know you'll give it your all and then you'll give most of your loot to my Collection Bots™. Also I cannot stress this enough, do not taunt the bots. Just give them my cut of the loot and back away slowly. I do not want to have to hire someone to spend the next week hosing out the bots “correctional chamber” because someone wanted to be a hero.

So get out to those sustenance distribution centres and fuel dispensaries, that's grocery stores and gas stations for the lay people, and empty ‘em! Clear those shelves! Drain those tanks! Remember, the more you get, the more I get!

Now if you'll excuse me, the loss of yet another let team is weighing heavily on me. I'll be receiving some much needed consoling in the harem’s grotto.

We're done here.

Brace Yourselves, A Storm's A Comin'

*Tap Tap*

Well I'll be damned! You guys actually got that little light working. It's so nice and orange and all glowy like... Wait that means... dammit not again!

*Ahem*

My fellow Newfoundlanders and Labradorians, to put things simply, we're screwed. The Weather Machine™ is in perfect working order, the problem isn't technological, it's magical. Gotta get some occult based lab people working on that, might need to do some hiring... but now, on to matters at hand.

A Fluffy Surprise

*Tap Tap*

*ffffffftt*

This thing on? It's been so long since we used this equipment I can't tell any more. Did anyone put that light in to tell me the mic is on or did you all slack off like a bunch of useless... What? Dammit!

Greetings family, friends and associated test subjects. It's been a while but I'm back.

St. Paddy's Snowfall

*Tap Tap* This thing on? You still didn't put in that light to tell me if this is on or off you good for nothing… Oh! What?! Dammit not again!

*Ahem*

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, androgynous test subjects of all pay scales… We’re having a bit of a problem. See, the Weather Machine™ has been working like a dream. Yes it has been cold, but here on the East Coast at least, we haven’t had that bad a time of things as far as snow has gone. I haven’t been able to stop it all, but I have at least been able to convert it to rain most of the time and gotten rid of a lot of it.

Well, we're done for it seems...

*tap tap* This thing on? I don't know why I have to keep asking that, there should be an indicator, a sound or a light or something to tell me when the microphone is on. Why can't you eggheads invent that? Huh? What?! Well, why didn't you say it was on?

I'm back and doesn't it feel good!

*Tap Tap* *Tap Tap*

 This thing on? 

 It's been a while since I've used this equipment, does it even still work? 

 Friends, Newfoundlanders, Test Subjects, lend me your ears!

 *splat*

 What the? Eww! Jeez, I didn't mean literally. You're fired mister! 

 Also, get someone from legal on patenting detachable ears!

Quest for $10,000 Part 6

Contestants Log, Stardate; -308769.35

Here I am in the morning of Day 10 of the HitsFM $10,000 TShirt contest. Still going strong after what was a pretty uneventful Day 9. Still no sign of the so called TShirt Police, though I did roam the city today since I was off. If they find me, they find me, if they don't then I'm sure I'll see them all on Monday the 31st at the finale.

Quest for $10,000 Part 5

Contestant's Log, Stardate; -308772.31

Well here it is, Day 9! Woo! The shirt is still in great shape and smells faintly of Irish Spring. Not funky in the least. This despite what was a most energetic end to Day 8.

We had snow! I know, not that uncommon an occurrence here in Newfoundland, but the main thing of note is that myself, along with a lot of other contestants out there had to shovel/snowblow/clear our driveways while sporting the ever popular Ten Grand TShirt.

That darn Weather Machine

**Tap Tap**

Check 1-2 Check 1-2

Someone once said "No good deed ever goes unpunished." Then I fired them! This bunker is no place for that kind of negativity! We're working on world changing technology here and there's no room for naysayers!

Now that I've got that off my chest, there's a problem with some of that world changing technology. Honestly, I don't know what it's going to take with this Weather Control Machine. Am I asking too much here really? I just want perfect temperate weather year round, not too cold and not so hot that I need air conditioning to sleep at night. I think that's fair, but apparently Mother Nature has some other ideas, just because we happen to be in the middle of the North Atlantic!

The second machine has been working near perfectly, up until now that is... It went down this morning faster than Blackberry's stock options. When I woke up I thought it had finally succeeded and we had the best and brightest sunrise I'd ever seen. Then I remembered, I'm underground and there are no windows! Turns out it was the light from one of the most spectacular explosions that the lab boys have ever seen. At least that's what the survivors said!

Not even the option to turn it into WaffleMate 2.0™ here people. It's a smouldering pile of rubble that's being pushed into the lava flow as we speak.

Now this presents a problem that we're all familiar with and we're ready to face at any time. That of course is "where to put all the groceries that I'm going to blindly buy." No, actually it means we're facing another Weather Event. This one is a doozy to, you know it's serious when I'm using the word doozy! This one is not your typical event either.

This is a big one. It's not the typical drive by style event, where we get a lot of snow in a short amount of time. No this thing is going to hang around and we're going  to get a decent amount of snow over a longer period of time. Seriously, this is going to feel longer than my third marriage and that felt like an eternity!

The residual effects of the Weather Machine will be felt for the rest of the day and into the evening, but then things are gonna degenerate quickly. So take the time you have left to overfill your gas tank with gas and your trunk, backseat, glove box with all the groceries you can carry. Then get more! After all, you could be stuck in your home for up to a day and that'll be terrible! Oh, and the Liquor Stores, we all need liquor!

When the looting starts, be on the lookout for the collection bots! Come to think of it, they're the most reliable things I've ever had invented for me! The standard 30% mandatory donation applies and I can't stress enough, don't taunt the bots! Seriously people, ground beef has more consistency than what these things leave behind!

As always, I'll be here cheering for you, and by that I mean me! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to do some quality checks in the harem!

A Message From Your Benafactor!

**Tap Tap**

Could I have everyone's attention for a few moments please, I have some announcements. You! The one in the kitchen wondering where my voice is coming from! Get your car key our of your ear and listen up!

I'd like to say that I am still blown away by the level of loot and by extension of that loot, the appreciation you people showed me during the last surprise "weather event." I can't thank you all enough and as a show of my gratitude, I've had the Lab Boys working overtime, tweaking the settings on the Weather Control Machine to try and eliminate the next "weather event."

There was some confusion all this past week as to how much of a dumping on we were going to get. The two weather outlets couldn't seem to agree with each other on their estimates. Now, don't be so quick to blame either of them for not being accurate, they could only go by the information I gave to each one of them! Yes, I had a little evil fun there, I admit it!

Good news though! We have succeeded in reducing what was supposed to happen today from an intense event to a light dusting, followed by some rain and drizzle later tonight. The Lab Boys even tell me that they might be able to coax a little more performance out of the machine to lessen things further and I believe them. Well, those that are still here. Their enthusiasm for it shot up after the first four of the team went into the lava pool. It's all about how you motivate your team!

Now, I have some notes of congratulations to pass along. I'd like to welcome aboard some new members to the Bunker's team.

First, please welcome our new Chief of Henchmen, Paddy Druken. You'll be working with my personal security guard, Joey "Knuckles" Washington, on overall Bunker security and training of new henchmen.

Second, please welcome our new Mistress of The Harem, KeiKei de Murre. You'll be in charge of all the Concubines and managing their day to day duties. From the performance in your interview, I know you can "whip" those ladies into shape in no time!

That's about it for now people, keep up the good looting and I'll keep working to make things better for us all. And by that I naturally mean Me!

Amazing, simply amazing!

**Tap Tap**
Testing! Testing! Check 1-2! Check 1-2!

Ok. Good.

People you never cease to amaze me. I asked for a little more recognition. I asked for a little more notice. I asked for more loot! I have to say that you all came through with flying colours!

It seemed like no sooner did I have all the collection bots out, that the first wave was coming back, brimming with all manner or things. Jewelery, electronics, appliances, furniture, clothing. Anything and everything a budding entrepreneur could want, they were bringing back to the bunker. I have to say if this is just 30% of what was collected, then we're all better off this morning.

Needless to say this show of support for our work here at the bunker, and more so me, did not fail to move me. Seriously. I'll be able to build a new office so I'll be moving into it soon. So just before midnight, before the "weather event" could get any worse, I turned the Weather Control Machine back on and the result was immediate. Temperatures rose and the snow turned over to rain. That eased things up a bit and cut down on what was already on the ground.

Bottom line, good work people, you've restored some of my faith in humanity! The testing we do here at the bunker will confirm the rest. As soon as we rustle up a few more test subjects... stupid homeless shelters telling me I can't recruit there anymore. It's not my fault only one in ten volunteers come back! Science is a fickle mistress... anyway!

For now we've got the Weather Control Machine, that can always use some tweaking. We've got that machine for erasing people from existence, that's been fun at parties, especially when we use it on the guest of honour and then have no idea who the party is for but we keep it going anyway! But there's more that we can and will be doing to improve the quality of life for all... and by "all" I mean me!