*tap tap* This thing on? I don't know why I have to keep asking that, there should be an indicator, a sound or a light or something to tell me when the microphone is on. Why can't you eggheads invent that? Huh? What?! Well, why didn't you say it was on?
Ladies and Gentlemen, test subjects of legal age... there's no way around this one and I can't sugar coat it. We're screwed and not in the good way.
Lab boys have been trying to avoid this, the Easy Coast has gotten away pretty clean this winter so far. The Weather Machine™ was working wonders, we tightened up the effect control area, managed to raise the temperature at peak times and changed most of the frozen precipitation to rain so what did accumulate was washed clean.
But apparently you can only mess with Mother Nature for so long before she pushes back. Boy do we seem to have pissed her off! I mean, she's not messing around this time. Did you see that system? It's intense. I wish I'd come up with it, or that I could get her on payroll, then maybe I'd have someone in the lab who could do a decent job! Yeah, I went there Lawrence!
As a last ditch effort, lab boys tried firing up a second Weather Machine™ because someone said that two is better than one. Well, that person is now fired! Turns out both machines started competing with each other and the end result of both of them trying to reverse the polarity caused them to do nothing and short out. Then since they had no power, they crashed back to earth in an orgy of mechanical carnage.
So, batten down the hatches... do people still have hatches?... anyway, seal the doors, tie down anything outside, make sure pets are tethered and harnessed before putting them out to do their business, that way you can pull them back in despite the winds.
I did make a check of some grocery stores and it almost brought a tear to my eye, barely anything left on the shelves. Not even soy sauce! Good work people!
As always, the robot drones will be deployed once the power outages, looting and pillaging start. Don't forget to make your contribution of goods to the bots, or they will not hesitate to turn you into pet food. Also, don't taunt the robots, it's just tacky.
Bottom line, hang in there, hand over my cut of the loot, and we'll all get through this next weather event together. By we of course, I mean me.
We're done here.