Thursday, February 12, 2015

Now a mid storm update

*tap tap* *tap tap*

Attention! Attention! Could I have your attention please!

This is an update from the Bunker™

Now that the entire region is shut down, the collection bots are being deployed throughout the metro area to receive my cut of the looting you're no doubt doing at this very moment. Please don't resist them, it can get messy and it takes forever to hose them out.

I warned you all last night this was serious, and first thing this morning, the Liquor stores closed. Now maybe next time you'll believe me! I have personally been out and about to observe the carnage and it is moving along nicely, we ran out of olives and I had to see to it myself because a martini is nothing without the proper olive. Don't ever let anyone tell you different.

Anywhoo, this break in the storm is just to give you all a false sense of security and allow for some clean up to happen. You may have noticed the power grid is fluctuating... sorry about that, we needed more power for the new hibachi bar in the harem grotto. But you’re all no doubt prepared after pillaging all the grocery stores yesterday. If not, well, pillage your nearest neighbour! Remember, my cut is 60% and the collection bots are relentless!

Now, with the city closed and the power failing, there's only one thing to do. Start making babies! It was going to happen this week anyway, weather or not, with the premiere of that new 50 Shades movie, so why not get a jump on things since you're home in the dark with nothing to do. It's exercise, it'll keep you warm and it's fun! Plus I need new test subjects, even if I have to wait 9 months to get them!

If you're not shacked up with anyone, fear not! I hear the downtown area may be open, mostly because it's always open and there are always people there looking for some drunken good times that might just lead to a little coyote ugly in the morning. If you are going to brave the elements and the rest of the oncoming weather events, the dress code is; Guys, baggy jeans and throwbacks, or your best skidoo suit. Ladies, tube tops and short skirts, and don't forget those stilettos! There's no point being impractical if you're not willing to go all the way!

That's it for now; I'm off to get a nice thick steak off the grill, a cold beer and a hot woman or two from my harem. I love this bunker, sometimes I wish I could share it with you all... well no... not really I don't. But it's nice to say, even if it's an empty sentiment.

We're done here.

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