Wednesday, February 20, 2013

That darn Weather Machine

**Tap Tap**

Check 1-2 Check 1-2

Someone once said "No good deed ever goes unpunished." Then I fired them! This bunker is no place for that kind of negativity! We're working on world changing technology here and there's no room for naysayers!

Now that I've got that off my chest, there's a problem with some of that world changing technology. Honestly, I don't know what it's going to take with this Weather Control Machine. Am I asking too much here really? I just want perfect temperate weather year round, not too cold and not so hot that I need air conditioning to sleep at night. I think that's fair, but apparently Mother Nature has some other ideas, just because we happen to be in the middle of the North Atlantic!

The second machine has been working near perfectly, up until now that is... It went down this morning faster than Blackberry's stock options. When I woke up I thought it had finally succeeded and we had the best and brightest sunrise I'd ever seen. Then I remembered, I'm underground and there are no windows! Turns out it was the light from one of the most spectacular explosions that the lab boys have ever seen. At least that's what the survivors said!

Not even the option to turn it into WaffleMate 2.0™ here people. It's a smouldering pile of rubble that's being pushed into the lava flow as we speak.

Now this presents a problem that we're all familiar with and we're ready to face at any time. That of course is "where to put all the groceries that I'm going to blindly buy." No, actually it means we're facing another Weather Event. This one is a doozy to, you know it's serious when I'm using the word doozy! This one is not your typical event either.

This is a big one. It's not the typical drive by style event, where we get a lot of snow in a short amount of time. No this thing is going to hang around and we're going  to get a decent amount of snow over a longer period of time. Seriously, this is going to feel longer than my third marriage and that felt like an eternity!

The residual effects of the Weather Machine will be felt for the rest of the day and into the evening, but then things are gonna degenerate quickly. So take the time you have left to overfill your gas tank with gas and your trunk, backseat, glove box with all the groceries you can carry. Then get more! After all, you could be stuck in your home for up to a day and that'll be terrible! Oh, and the Liquor Stores, we all need liquor!

When the looting starts, be on the lookout for the collection bots! Come to think of it, they're the most reliable things I've ever had invented for me! The standard 30% mandatory donation applies and I can't stress enough, don't taunt the bots! Seriously people, ground beef has more consistency than what these things leave behind!

As always, I'll be here cheering for you, and by that I mean me! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to do some quality checks in the harem!

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