November 28th, 2012
For those of you who haven't looked out your nearest window, porthole, portal or magic viewing globe yet, it's snowing. Now you all know what to do but I'm going to go over the basics just as a reminder.
You are to proceed to the nearest gas station and grocery stores (which one first is up to you) and then fill up your car and buy everything on the shelves that you can carry! After all, we're potentially getting 10cms here, that's an Armageddon waiting to happen and we can't let the world end with fully stocked grocery stores and only a half tank of gas.
Oh and for those ladies choosing to celebrate this snow by going downtown, the normal dress code of a too-short skirt and tank/tube top is still in effect, no matter the temperature or snowfall accumulation.
November 28th, 2012
*tap* *tap* This thing on?
Steve here again, looks like we got a tad more snow than expected, lab boys tell me the new weather control machine is working better than they expected. In this case I'm not sure that overachieving was something to be proud of, but they tell me it's a good thing.
Now, that being said, I also have a report that although accidents are up, panic and general looting are at an all time low. Come on people! We can't have a proper snowpocalypse without some good old fashioned looting. I blame myself really. Actually no, I blame Gary, that new kid in the PR department. He's now fired. You hear me mister? Yes, you. Fired. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Oh well, call this a test run and chalk it up as experience. We'll have to try and do better next time.
For those ladies still heading downtown, you'll want to add a pair of stilettos that you can barely walk in to the standard outfit mentioned earlier.
and finally, the lab boys tell me that you just lost the game.
November 29th, 2012
Steve here again
Now I know yesterday we ran through a test of the Snowpocalypse emergency measures and the gas and grocery hoarding went well, but now we have a problem. As per that guy Gary from PR's request, who I fired I might add, I complained that there was a severe lack of looting and some of you took a unique approach to improve the numbers.
People, when you're looting and pillaging you never want to damage your water supply. It makes things worse for everyone. We can't enjoy our ill gotten booty if we can't shower or flush a toilet. Granted I know there are a lot of uber-nerd shut ins out there who will debate the need for showering, but those basement dwellers are wrong. Just because you don't leave the couch, there's no reason to stink out the room with B.O. I'd fire 'em all if I could, but they don't work for me, though I'm always in need of test subjects. I'll have to remember that for later.
Anyway, the main point is, conserve the water you currently have until this fiasco is fixed. The Lab boys tell me they are working on a way to suck the moisture from ducks as an alternate emergency water source, but there are only so many ducks to go around.
And remember, this was all that guy Gary's fault. Whom I fired. Yesterday.