** Tap Tap **
Y'know people I've been thinking. We're trying to do some good work out here at the bunker and it seems to go without any real notice. I've been trying with my announcements to bring attention to the Weather Control Machine and it's potential to improve life on this planet, mainly mine!
All this work by the lab boys that goes unnoticed by the public. The hard work of people like Gary in HR... no wait, I fired him! Okay like Stan in Account... nope, fired him too! Well I know who they are and that's the important thing really! As long as the rest of you can recognize the work I'm spearheading, the rest can bask in the residual adoration that radiates from me!
Now, to show you all the importance of the Weather Control Machine and the work here at the bunker... I'm going to turn the machine off! That's right, I'm shutting it down this afternoon! Protocols are already running and it's going offline as we speak! So there!
No advance warning, no time to prepare, there's a Weather Event brewing and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it now! HaHa! Those milder temperatures we were able to fight back the last event with? Gone! The clearer skies and brighter days? Darkened! You'd better get moving, not much time to get to those grocery stores, liquor stores and gas stations! You'll have to survive on the supplies you no doubt have in your homes already!
Don't worry too much, I'm not completely cruel and unfeeling, well I mostly am but I can be swayed. I'll be sending out the collection bots as per usual to gather your required looting contributions and if they are sufficient enough, I might just turn the Weather Control Machine back on. But people that's a big "if" right now.
Now with that being said, on to other matters. Henchmen! All applicants should have now received their test packets and you have just one week to complete the tasks/beatings/assassinations outlined. If you don't then you will be eliminated! Entirely. From time. I'm not kidding, lab boys have a device that will erase you from history. Neat little thing really. I can't remember who's been erased already, but then that's the point!
All those who sent in videos for the Concubine application, I'll be in touch about in person interviews with those of you who made the grades. Those who didn't, please enjoy the complimentary fruit baskets that were sent out.
That's about it. Get moving people cause here comes the snow!