Monday, November 30, 2015

A Fluffy Surprise

*Tap Tap*


This thing on? It's been so long since we used this equipment I can't tell any more. Did anyone put that light in to tell me the mic is on or did you all slack off like a bunch of useless... What? Dammit!

Greetings family, friends and associated test subjects. It's been a while but I'm back.

You may have noticed some extra particulate matter on the ground this morning, sorry about that. I know we weren't expecting anything until later in December when this stuff is supposed to happen, but there was a slight problem or imbalance or something. It's all technobabble to me.

Lab boys tell me that after several amazing months of operation, the Weather Machine™ had to be taken offline for maintenance. The end result as you can see, is about 5cms or so of snow in the Metro region.

What does it mean? Well first of all it means I need to get some new lab people, this crowd couldn't do maintenance with the machine running. Said it was dangerous, said there was too much power, said they'd rip a hole in reality! Didn't want to take the risk! and they called themselves scientists! Bunch of spineless no good cowards!

Anyway, point is, there's been some snow accumulation but it's nothing to worry about. It's not even worth sending out the Collection Bots™ or encouraging you all to go on looting sprees. The new team tell me that maintenance is finished and this should all clear up on a day or so. So no real problems there.

But that doesn't mean I can't turn a profit from this. Inevitably some of you are going to neglect to clean your cars off or drive to fast today getting to work and after slipping and sliding all over the place, there will be wrecks. This is where I come in. I appreciate each and every one of you who converts a perfectly good vehicle into scrap metal. I'll be using it to construct new Collection Bots™ and doors and any other random sundry I need here at the Bunker™

So thank you, reckless driver, for your contributions to science and to my pocket book.

We're done here.

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