Attention, your attention please. Coming to you from his secured and totally secret bunker, here is our benevolent overlord with a very special statement.
… got you techno-sycophants now! Light or no light, signal or no signal. I got this pre-recorded introduction now! All I have to do is wait for it to run out and then I start talking. Take that you eggheads… what? It's over… dammit!
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, androgynous test subjects of all ages, you may have noticed some varying accumulations over the past week. Little snowfalls, nothing much to be concerned with, at least for you, my testing pool… I mean the general public.
For me and the old team here at The Bunker™ it means the start of a whole host of problems with The Weather Machine™. Well I say the old team but I really mean the new lab team. The old team are currently sunbathing by a lava pool, lousy so called college graduates.
Point is, we have to take The Weather Machine™ offline for repairs. The problem with that is there is a significant weather event bearing down on us as we speak. I cannot understate the potential level of snowmageddon that's approaching.
Now this leaves very little time this morning for the usual loot n’ plundering that I've come to expect and admire from you all. I know you'll give it your all and then you'll give most of your loot to my Collection Bots™. Also I cannot stress this enough, do not taunt the bots. Just give them my cut of the loot and back away slowly. I do not want to have to hire someone to spend the next week hosing out the bots “correctional chamber” because someone wanted to be a hero.
So get out to those sustenance distribution centres and fuel dispensaries, that's grocery stores and gas stations for the lay people, and empty ‘em! Clear those shelves! Drain those tanks! Remember, the more you get, the more I get!
Now if you'll excuse me, the loss of yet another let team is weighing heavily on me. I'll be receiving some much needed consoling in the harem’s grotto.
We're done here.