Friday, January 29, 2016

Lousy Mythical Adversaries

*tap  tap* *tap tap*

Yes I’m tapping the mic again, your stupid light isn’t working, it’s just blinking on and off and on and off… what? That means it’s working? What kind of moron makes a blinking light? It’s either ‘on’ for working or ‘off’ for not working, simple as that. Wait, so that means everyone can hear … dammit not again!

Lousy bunch of eggheads…


Attention, attention, your attention please. I need your attention over here.

Ladies and Gentlemen, associated potential test subjects, here we go again. By we, I of course mean you, the testable public. I’ll be hold up as always here in my bunker, safe and secure from the ravages of Mother Nature as she continues her crusade to wrest back the power I have secured from her with my Weather Machine™!

There is a triple threat coming our way today, Mother Nature, Jack Frost and Old Man Winter have teamed up to defeat my technology with their so called magics. There’s little time to act, mere hours in fact until the onslaught begins. Snow, then more snow and for the test subjects east of my bunker, freezing rain, I’m serious, water freezing as it falls. Things could literally be encased in ice, your car, your house, you, your dog. This is serious business.

We haven’t much time so you’ll have to do a rush job on the loot n’ plundering today. Empty those grocery stores! Drain those gas stations! Oh and it’s Friday so be sure to pick up a new outfit if you plan on heading downtown tonight. Gentlemen, suit up! Look the part, clothes make the man. Ladies, as always light clothing, short skirts paired with impractical high heels. Gotta be dressed to kill on that dance floor.

The Collection Bots™ will be out in force to collect my cut of the ill-gotten booty and I’ll thank you all in advance for your contributions. The proceeds from the last weather event enabled me to expand the grotto in the harem and add a wet bar, something KeiKei told me the girls have been wanting for ages now and I’m only too happy to provide.

I’m also working on a way to contact the other realms to see if there is anyone willing to fight Mother Nature on her own level, or at least someone to show me how. See if I can’t combine science and magic into something greater! Magi-Sci or Scientician or something like that… ah, a name will come to me I’m sure.

We’re done here!

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