Could I have your attention please!?
All of you may have noticed the recent upswing in the temperature and overall weather lately. Some people call it "spring." I call it, Weather Control Machine 3.0 and it's the best one we've had yet, well since the last one blew up anyway. The first one is still making excellent waffles as well, have to market those things soon. We will as soon as the marketing team stop trying to remove their explosive collars and get back to work!
This week though has been a little wonky, sun one minute and snow the next. The new lab team have assured me that it's just the result of routine maintenance on the machine and that everything should be back to normal soon, or at least what I'm enforcing as my vision of normal. They wouldn't lie to me, they know that I control the button that would release the lab floor and drop them into the lava pit!
Part of this maintenance however means that we have to shut the machine down for a few hours. That will be done this evening but will only be for a few hours. In that time, there is every possibility of a "weather event" forming over us. Don't worry, it won't be too bad, though it will be a little breezy. We'll do our best to have things change to rain by the morning to clean things up a bit. By our best I of course mean the Lab team, their futures are riding on this and I know they won't let me down!
I've also heard some talk that the weather patterns were a result of something called "Sheila's Brush." Well I did some checking around The Bunker™ and found Sheila in the R&D Department. She'd been working on a pocket weather control device on company time! Well that won't be continuing as the so called "brush" has been destroyed and she's been fired! Personal work on my time? I don't think so! Also to show that I run an organization that believes in equality, I'm also firing Ronald from housekeeping, so there!
So in conclusion, the Weather Machine 3.0 is good, just needs some maintenance, we'll get some weather but it'll be sorted out in short order. Shouldn't even require the normal looting and plundering.
Oh and before I go I'd also like to congratulate Joey Knuckles beating seventeen other men to win the title of "Henchman of the Month!" Seriously, we locked 'em all in a cage and Joey beat all of them into comas! Good work!