Wednesday, August 03, 2016

I am a Victim update

Mental Health is a serious, fragile and funny thing. A weird statement I know but it's how I can sum things up right now.

It's been just over two weeks since the robbery and I've had highs and lows. The morning after was an obvious right off, mostly for shock. I went back to work the night after the robbery because well, it's my job but also because if I tried to delay going back, the harder it would be to do. That night I was anxious of course but got through the night fine.

Wednesday of that week I had what I'm calling a panic attack while sitting in my Jeep.

After that I felt relatively normal and on the weekend got out of town with some of my best and most amazing friends. I had a mild freak out that Saturday night that they all helped me through.

Sunday night, one week after the event, I had a panic attack and couldn't catch my breath for hours, again I'm so grateful for having my closest friends with me.

Since then I've been at work, I've been feeling good, I've been sleeping good and generally haven't had any issues.

Until today. Today I got a call with an update on the robbery and how things are going. I'm not getting into details here, I can't. But after getting the news I had a full blown flashback to that night and relived the robbery again. That led to another panic attack.

I forced myself to get out of my apartment and be with friends for plans that we had made and I wasn't going to let them down. That pushed things back for the few hours I was with them but when I was on my way home, it continued and I started to shake and couldn't catch my breath again.

I know why it's happening, it's the robbery of course, but I want to know why it keeps happening. I want to know what is snapping me back, why my brain can't let go and what's stopping me from moving forward.

Up to this point, though I have the number for victim services, I haven't called it, not that I didn't think I needed it but because for the last week I've been seemingly doing so well.

I know I need help. I know I can't do this alone. I know that talking with friends isn't enough, I need a professional. First thing in the morning I am calling and talking with someone and getting the help I need,

Mental Health is a serious, fragile and funny thing and it needs to be assessed and addressed by a professional who is there to help and offer some explanation and understanding.

Thanks for reading.

No comments: