Monday, January 21, 2013

Here I go again

*tap tap* Check 1-2. Check 1-2. Good

Ladies and Gentlemen, friends, potential test subjects, I've got good news and bad news.

Bad news is, the new weather control machine actually appears to be creating weather systems instead of preventing them, so we are getting snow tomorrow. Good news is, the old weather control machine is now making very tasty waffles. They're so light and fluffy, seriously these things are a joy to eat, with just a little syrup and a little bacon... anyway I digress.

Now as a precaution we have shut down the machine but the lab boys tell me that it's too late and that a system has formed and will be passing over us tomorrow. I'm taking a chance on trusting these guys because they are new, I fired the old lab team when they told me what was happening. They're gone. Not darkening my door anymore. Never work in this town again.

The new team says that this is a rogue system and is very unpredictable. They can't give me specific amounts, but they say anywhere from a light, festive dusting to enough to bury your houses. I don't worry about my house because it's a bunker. And it's underground so it's already buried.

I know this is short notice, but the plans remain the same as before. Grocery stores, empty 'em! Gas station reserves, drain 'em! Get your best looting outfits and tools ready to go just in case and feed the sled dogs!

As always, 25% of your assorted loot n' plunder comes directly to me, there will be automated collection bots dogging your every step until you give up the goods! Trust me, the best thing is to comply with them, they will cut you. To pieces. Without mercy. They don't have any cause they're robots.

I'll be watching the proceedings from my luxurious and heavily fortified bunker, just waiting for all that loot to start rollin' in. Good luck people! I'm rooting for you. Well some of you. Ok a couple of you and by you I mean me.

Oh one more thing for the ladies heading downtown tomorrow night, the standard dress code still stands! Tube tops, mini skirts and four inch stilettos are a must if you're going to get someone to take you home and help you prevent frostbite!

No comments: